How to lose friends and alienate people

Step 1 - Develop a peronality disorder. More than one if you can swing it.

Step 2 - Become irritated with friends who don't keep in touch as often as you'd like them to. Make them feel guilty.

Step 3 - Incite an argument over something stupid with one of the few friends who do seem interested in talking to you on a regular basis.

Step 4 - Repeat step 3 for as many friends of this type as you have.

Step 5 - When stressed and in need of a friendly ear, expect your friend to ask you about what's on your mind and become angry and hurt when they don't.

Step 6 - If not bipolar yourself, consider falling in love with someone who is. When they begin the depressive phase of their cycle and you don't hear from them for days at a time, this will help you to develop the feelings of neglect and worthlessness that will make you fun at parties.

Step 7 - Contemplate suicide. Cultivate your misery. Share it with others.

Step 8 - Become sporadic about taking the medications that are meant to control your mood swings and keep your emotions in check.

Step 9 - Repeat these steps as often as necessary in order to ensure a long and lonely life.